Wickford's Most Wanted

Grinder "Wickford's So Boring ?" (Wax Trax, 7" EP)



Possibly what the word "curio" was invented for, this. It's a record that I bought for 10p from the boot of a car whilst attending the seismic global event that was Basildon's Anti-Poll Tax Festival in day, an event that featured Runrig, The Man From Delmonte, the very entertaining Automatic Slim and a spectacularly low attendance. But it was worth going just for managing to acquire this record: I could never have predicted how a single ten pence coin could have given me something quite so memorable.

The 3-track EP is a release on Wax Records of Long Riding, Basildon Essex and I'm ashamed to say it is the only Wax Records release I own (indeed, the only one I'm aware of: the cat no. being WAX 2, which means at most we have only half the Wax story here). I'm guessing that it came out in '78-'79. The cover pictures, in cheapo black and white, feature the 5 band members seemingly sitting around a rubbish dump (although perhaps it's just a very untidy allotment) with one of them sportingly dressed up as the subject of the first track, "Spiderman", beside an abandoned car wreck. The sleeve tells us who these chaps are: Terry-Ball, Si-Kic, Stu-Pid, Holy-Grail and, best of all, Dav-id. Stu wears a Rocky Horror Picture Show t-shirt; Dav has a bobble hat and scarf; the back sleeve shows that Terry, away from his spider garb, sports a flat cap and shades. Sounds great already, no ? (As for what that errant question mark in the EP title signifies, I've never been sure: my best guess remains that they just got overexcited with the Letraset, and "Wickford's So Boring" really remains a statement of fact rather than a rhetorical question).

"Spiderman", the tune on the A-side, is an instant classic, a jovial punk / pub-rock hybrid mocking Spiderman for being, basically, a rubbish superhero. Basically, he's got acne, he's a wimp, and he can't pull birds: "Spiderman thinks he's cool... [dramatic pause]... He ain't" [rollicking scratchy guitar]. There are also some random "2, 3, 4"s that recall Jilted John - again, not a bad reference point to where Grinder seem to be coming from. It seems odd, and incredibly unfair, from this distance that "Jilted John" or the Sham could go top ten, and yet Grinder probably sold about ten. And did we mention that the record is pressed delightfully yet rather unnecessarily on Spidey-red vinyl ?

Flip the disc over and there are two more remarkable numbers. First is "Furry Dice", a bang-on accurate summation of their home county, the music surprisingly jangly, the chords actually tuneful a la the Cockney Rejects' "It's Over", and there's a fantastic outro where the keyboards go all excitable and Terry-Ball gets consumed by the thought of his character's beloved danglers ("And they're only two pound / Plus 50p postage and packing / And I love 'em"). It features backing vocals from "Heather Leather, Jack-Et and Kay-Ottik", natch. And then comes a change of pace with "Other People", a spooky pseudo-slowie which, in its ultimate conclusion - "I hate other people" - delivers a common enough punky sentiment, just with endearing left-field charm.

FWIW, what experience I had of Wickford confirmed that it was, indeed, a tremendously tedious place, although no more so than Billericay, its dreary near-neighbour and partner under Basildon Council's alleged yoke. What Wickford always did have in its favour (apart, of course, from Grinder's patronage) was, rather bizarrely, an excellent record shop, Adrians, which rivalled much even of what the big smoke had to offer (essential vinyl purchases made from there included such gems as 1000 Violins' "If I Were A Bullet", and 14 Iced Bears "Precision").

So. Just one record cements Grinder as one of the best Essex bands ever, right up there with the Windmills, Catapult, er... oh, and Scalplock and Flyblown. "Wickford's So Boring" is stupid, mad and brilliant: exactly the kind of record that should reminds us of the greatness which independent labels can achieve. And while we're too young to have been around then, we have it on good authority that yes, John Peel did play it. Once.

Postscript: Proving that the internet can on occasion be a lifesaver, a couple of very helpful websites fill in the blanks: punk77 reveals that Grinder were formed that very year and had, somewhat disappointingly, real names: "Terry Luckett (vocals & daft costumes); Simon Mills (bass); Graham Filby (drums); Dave Smith (guitar) and Stewart Clark, on guitar. Reasonably popular on the local (Basildon, Essex) punk circuit, renowned for almost every song having a costume for Terry to dress up in...". The page also reveals, perhaps inevitably, that when "Terry left the band in 1982... we began to write more serious 'tunes'." Oh dear. Looking at Terry on the sleeve, a man who over time has become one of our true punk heroes, we feared that would have always been the outcome.

Meanwhile, Southendpunk confirms that Grinder were indeed from Wickford, "starting life as 'The Bin Liners'. Their first gig was December 14th, 1977 at Billericay school... Grinder soon gained a reputation for playing a fusion of punk rock and theatre, with Terry Luckett dressed in a different costume for almost every song... Perhaps a highlight for the band was wining the Roots Hall Battle Of The Bands competition in 1980, beating Alison "Alf" Moyets band into 2nd place... They seemed to almost be resident at Basildon's Van Gogh pub for a few years, and in fact were invited to play at the venues last ever gig. That night Grinder supported heavy metal act Samson, who unfortunately managed to empty the building!"

Hard to beat that, but finally we found a great description of the EP from Ugly Things: "Genius. It is obvious to me that Wickford wasn't boring at all as long as you hung out with the bold gents of Grinder. The songs range from primitive clunky riff-rock to DIY jangle of the highest order." A description which frankly puts it more perfectly, and far more succinctly than we were able to.